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Taking Care of a Loved One with Cancer

Published March 23, 2013 by Deb Ragosta

A few weeks ago, I received an email from Cameron, who read my post and asked if he could send me something he had written to post on my blog.  His wife, Heather, doesn’t have metastatic breast cancer.  She has mesothelioma.  I have to admit, I didn’t know much about the disease, except that I’d seen commercials from law firms looking for families who wanted to sue because their loved ones had the disease.

As you will see, once you read Cameron’s post, he is a devoted husband and father and has a story that deserves to be shared.  Not enough credit is given to the caregivers – those who walk the walk with us and are with us on our good days, as well as our bad.

Here is Cameron and Heather’s story.  I am honored to share it with you:

November 21, 2005 is a day my wife Heather and I will never forget. On that day our lives went from spending our time doting on our three month-old daughter, Lily, to fighting my wife’s diagnosis of malignant pleural mesothelioma. My wife, Heather, was in shock and disbelief. I learned before we even left the doctor’s office that I would have to start making decisions to help her through this. When the doctor laid out our treatment options, Heather stared silently, in shock and disbelief. I quickly made the decision to visit David Sugarbaker, a doctor in Boston who specialized in mesothelioma, and away we went into our life of chaos.

Heather was no longer able to work and I was only able to work part time in order to juggle the doctor’s appointments, travel arrangements and caring for our daughter. I soon became overwhelmed financially, physically, and emotionally. Would my wife die from this disease and leave me alone broke and with a young daughter? I spent many times bawling my eyes out and wondering if it would ever end.   

Luckily we had help. If anyone offers help of any kind when you are sick or a caregiver to someone else, take it.  I learned the hard way that there is no room for pride when a loved one’s life is on the line. We received friendly ears to listen and money to help us through the tight times. Family, friends and even complete strangers reminded us that we were not alone and gave us fewer things to worry about.

It was hard. Taking care of my wife while keeping the household running was the most stressful, exhausting, and uncertain time that I have ever experienced. There are no vacation days and you must keep going because you are the one that your family is depending on. You have to give yourself permission to be angry and scared and have bad days. Don’t give up hope and use every resource to pick up again and keep going.

It has now been seven years since that diagnosis, and my wife is cancer free. Heather went through surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy but she managed to beat this awful disease. Heather’s ordeal reminded me that time is precious and inspired me to go back to school. I studied Information Technology and graduated with high honors. I was the graduation speaker of my class, and Heather and Lily were in the audience to cheer me on. During Heather’s fight with mesothelioma, I never even thought that this could be my life. Never give up hope and always believe in yourself, and you can accomplish amazing things. 

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